Diagnosed With Extreme Case Of ADHD - My Thoughts About Medication

I have an extreme case of ADHD. I've been enriched by it all my life. I was prescribed Adderall and my experience with the drug proved fruitless. It did nothing, cost more than ritalin, and more than Dexedrine.

After Adderall I was offered Dexedrine. 

For me, Dexedrine is the magic-bullet, sort of. I have taught kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, and third grades, and have worked with kids who also have ADD/ADHD. I have to say in all honesty, kids I worked with who had ADD/ADHD and received no medication were hyper, but their personalities bubbled, yea, they are energetic, can't sit still, but, they were fresh, and alert, and ready to take on any challenge.

When Adderall, Dexedrine, Ritalin, etc., were administered their sweet great personalities disappeared into a subdued form of their real-selves. Those drugs wasted their personalities. Yes, they behaved better, paid attention more in class, listened better, got along better, all at the cost of personality desecration.

I have found the same results occur in adults. I know because for the last five years I have taken 90mg of Dexedrine per day. My doctor, my close friends, and others I know tell me I should continue the medication. Four weeks ago I quit taking the medication. What people see "on-the-outside" is one thing, what I miss on-the-inside is another.

(With medication I get the best of sleep, restful 8-10 hours  Without medication, my days go as long as 20-22 hours, and its still hard to go to sleep.) 

The upside, for me, is I know I'm enjoying life more. The downside may out-weigh the upside, but, it's just me. (hahahaha) I figure I lose 30% of my awake hours just looking for things I can't find - keys, wallet, cell phone, back pack, books, notes, you name it, and I have misplaced it. I never put anything back in the same place twice, and even though I try all the time, either I forget where I put something, or if I even put it anywhere at all, or if it was ever put there twice before?

Even the simple process of mailing something to someone can easily become a major endeavor. I recently had to send a friend some coffee. It took a couple of weeks to finally get the postage, the package, and the post office all together. I lost the coffee four times, even arriving at the post office with postage, address to mail to, and no package. Then I got to the post office with the package, and the postage, but, no mailing address. It's always said the third time is the charmer? Well, it wasn't! (hahahahaha) I got to the post office with the package, addressed with the mailing address, and I made sure I had my wallet with me. But, when I got to the post office I couldn't find the money that was suppose to be in the wallet. Gosh, I looked through all my pockets - I thought. So, back to the house with the coffee. (I wear cargo pants - lots of pockets - I need lots of pockets. That way I won't lose anything.) I get pretty confused going through all the pockets, but, if I didn't have all those pockets, I actually really would lose things. And where was the money for the postage?

It was actually in my jacket top pocket. And, because it was warm outside I had taken my jacket off and thrown it in the trunk of my friend's car, and forgot it.

It's pretty confusing. I laugh more now, I feel better, and I've learned to laugh through these on-going expeditions of looking for something, whatever I can't find. I've actually lost my clothes in my own room, got outside with two different shoes on (hahahaha - I did go back and match my shoes!).

My writing is of better quality without medication. With the medication I have trouble writing articles. Medication? No medication? It is such a trade-off. I, at this moment have not decided “the with or without question?” I've had a great time playing hookie over these past weeks.

Oh, well, even now, as I write this I have to laugh at all the stop-gates I have to work through in just one day, every day is challenging, and every day is another day in a brand new century. I love it!

I use to wish if I could find one medication that worked life would be an easier ride. And, when I got my lifetime prescription for Dexedrine (yes, I do see a doctor on a regular basis) I thought "now, I can proceed with a normal course in life!" Well, my friends, my ending thought to this is "be careful what you wish for..."